Sorry. Took a couple of weeks off. I actually have another blog, if you can believe it, and about twenty other time-wasting hobbies. And, hey, it's sort of dispiriting when large sections of my intended audience just vanish in a cloud of Turnover. But I know some of y'all are still checking, so I'll keep it going.
I'm officially part of the problem, aren't I? They're starting to depend on me more, because they're getting desperate and I know how to read a merch chart. And I smile and cooperate--there's no use pretending I'm some kinda subversive. I'll take their money.
Still, I keep the passive aggression coming, when I can. A dialogue:
(The multimedia cage. Me, learning. Harried-and-Frantic Sales Manager trying to teach me in little bursts, in between running around the store putting out completely meaningless fires.)
SM: ...and make sure you look at this. (Points at list on the wall of absurdly specific Loss Prevention Policies regarding keepers and chiclets and whatnot.) We really got dinged on this in that LP audit.
Me: (Still cooperating. But sarcastic cruelty stirring.) Dinged?
SM: Yeah. All that keepering stuff cost us twenty points.
Me: (Politely amused.) Points?
SM: Yeah, twenty points we would've had, otherwise.
Me: What would we have done with these "points," had we hung on to them?
(Silence, for a moment. Then he gives up, ignores it, and moves on. He knows my uses, but he also knows when I'm mocking him. We're both trying to believe we're getting the better end of this deal.)
But seriously, man. Please, by all means, tell me what to do. Somebody's got to. I will absolutely follow Loss Prevention policy to the best of my ability. But please don't try to explain why we're doing anything, because the reasons are invariably idiotic and I'm just going to laugh at you. I do the job right because it's my job, not because I give a damn.
Points. Saints preserve us.
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3 comments:
I've got to wonder exactly what kind of points your sales manager was talking about... Pencil points? Decimal points? Talking points - for their next big feel-good corporate discussion? Points in a match? Against whom? The boiling point - in his employees' ability to tolerate his foolishness? Nay to all of those. He missed the point, which I think is really your point. :)
Glad you are back, I have been checking daily for my "fix". This is a legal drug that stirs my spirit and my mind. Thanks.
we did an experiment once at Barnes 'n' Nubile where we compared the stats of discount cards sold between people that always asked like creepy maniacs and the jaded part-time kids who never said peep. guess what? statistically insignificant. the clerk means little in the equation. if the numbers spike, it's from renewals, that's all. not convincing someone to buy the card who had never heard of it. waste o' time!
also, speaking of disappointments and meat loaf (weren't we?), i grabbed "Bat Out Of Hell 3" while getting gas because i thought:
A.) hey, it's got a song on it called "In The Land Of The Pig, The Butcher Is King"!
B.) i desperately needed something to listen to to kill the hour from Morgantown to Pittsburgh and..
C.) the songs on it were rumoured to be all that was left of an ill-fated "Batman" musical - picture it: tortured Batman moping around the stage and singing his signature tune "The Graveyard Shift"?! sounds like a sure thing, right?
nah. wasn't nearly as fun as it sounded. but it got me home. actually, it's kind of a disaster. the new Toadies cd was weak, too. guess you can't go back in spite of what "Timecop" promises.
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