From Beyond The Grave!

People in general have such a weird, distorted view of the sorts of things they're going to find in a store like ours, don't they? Righteously indignant when there aren't any children's books about Millard Fillmore. (The report is due TOMORROW!) Overwhelmed with gratitude when it turns out we actually have a copy of The Iliad or Tuesdays With Morrie. There's no predicting it.

But here's a funny one. I approached a forty-something white woman, all help and concern. She seemed thoughtful and a little spacey. Well, I'm looking for this philosophy book, she said. You probably won't have it.

I tried to play it at my most soothing. Just tell me what the problem is, and we'll make it okay...

Well, it's by Ayn Rand, she said. Ah, I said, nodding. The situation became clear. Rand fans are a Special breed--convinced that they're on to something, that they've found the Secret. They all read Atlas Shrugged at age sixteen, or whatever, and were overwhelmed to learn the truth--that people just like them are really the Good people, the ones who should be running the world, instead of the whiners and do-gooders and commies.

But of course, these folks are an awful long way from being any kind of Underground. Those books are really popular; they've never been out of print. They tell wannabe self-made millionaires exactly what they want to hear. So I just started taking this woman to the Philosophy section, pretty much without comment.

I don't know, she said. It's kind of old. She's dead, you know.

Huh. Didn't quite know what to say to that, but I know I couldn't help smiling as we walked. Yes, I said, she certainly is, isn't she? What I didn't say was how could we fail to stock the complete works of somebody who has a plausible claim to be the Worst Writer of the Twentieth Century? I mean, Hitler was pretty lousy, but he was far less prolific! Instead, I handed her Philosophy: Who Needs It? and moved on.

But you know, actually we carry quite a surprising number of books by people who are No Longer With Us! Sidney Sheldon! St. Augustine of Hippo! Kurt Cobain! Bill Shakspeare! Death absolutely doesn't make you commercially unviable!

Can you imagine if that actually was some sort of Inventory Guideline? For God's sake, get out there with a V-Cart and get Norman Mailer's books off of the shelves! Don't you read the papers? We're clearly in Non-Compliance with the Living People First Act!

"O, heavens! Die two months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's a hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a year!"
(Some sarcastic guy.)