I Can Think Of Several Words For It

[Housekeeping note. Just checked my Blogger settings, and discovered that even though I thought I'd allowed anonymous comments, well, I hadn't. And that sort of defeats the purpose of the Supersecret Underground Employee Disgruntlement Blog. So, anyway, I fixed it. You don't have to give any sort of name at all, just click Comments. Though of course it's easy and fun to make as many Google or Yahoo accounts as you can think of email addresses for. Try it!]

This afternoon he was doing his usual Happy-Go-Lucky Bully thing with his underlings, needling the Training Supervisor over the radio. Yeah, I'm just joking around because we're all pals here, but I'm gonna joke around in front of everybody about how much you suck. This is how I will make you Better. And it makes me feel warm and comfortable inside. Remember that about bullies, people--they're having a good time. Did you ever run into somebody who bullied you when you were a kid? Like, in the grocery store or something, as an adult? Invariably, they're really friendly! They light up! Because you're a happy memory for them. Think about that. You know how Friendly he can be when he wants--that's because in his own way, he really honestly likes each and every one of you, because you're required to take his shit. He couldn't live without you. He'd be sad.

And I give the Training Supervisor credit. She fights back, over the radio. She asserts herself. It's nice to hear. It's not necessarily a good thing if she thinks she has that kind of relationship with him, that she can Speak Openly, but it shows some spark. I'm cautious. But many of you probably know her much better than I do, by now, and you can tell me if she's Safe.

Right at this second, my fear is that she honestly believes she can get through to him, somehow, get him to change his behavior. And we all know that that's madness. It's not going to happen. But at least it means that today she publicly gave him a hard time about "blaming" people for things that no sane person would think they have control over. And he liked that, of course, because he cheerfully snapped back that blaming was just another word for "holding people accountable." And I slipped; I did. I hopped right on the radio and said "but that's just another word for blaming." And he immediately agreed--"exactly!"--and we both felt like we'd made our point. And it's probably okay, since I have an established persona as a Guy Who Makes Smartass Comments Over the Radio. But who is harmless. Harmless! I have to start watching that stuff, though. To rein myself in. Because of course, that was how I was able to sleep at night, by tweaking them over the radio. Behind their backs, or, in the case of the Sales Manager, right to his face. (We have a long professional relationship, so he can't do very much to me.) Now that we have this, though, I have to be more discreet. You will all be perfectly aware, of course, that I haven't Gone Soft.

The radio, though. It's your friend. Remember that. It's the kind of thing that freaks people out, that did freak people out when they sprung the walkie-talkies on us a few years back. It's an instrument of Social Control! It lets them Watch you, keep tabs on you! And it does, but that's only half the story. In the end, things that let you talk to other people are Good. There are still people who are freaked out by the internet, remember. The Government and the Corporations are Watching Everything I Do! Well, sure they are. But we're watching Them, too. Technological novelties like cheap walkie-talkies and cheap computers don't oppress us--they level the playing field. A little bit. In our store, we've got an established culture of joking over the radio--I like to think I did my part to establish that culture, but it's probably the same everywhere. It's fun. Certain people will always make jokes if you give them a microphone, and I'm one of those people. But because we have this "easygoing" culture, every once and a while you can make a joke--in everybody's earpiece--that throws all the bullshit back in their face. And they have to know you're doing it, at some level. But if you're the boss, you have to allow jokes. Once you start cracking down on that, your days are seriously numbered. (Which is not to say that he won't try, eventually, but it'll be far too late by then.) So--I have to train myself to be more cautious, since I've apparently decided to be a Public Figure of some sort, but if you think you've got a knack for showbiz, if you like talking and are a bit reckless, please go for it. Give them shit. And then laugh, because you were just kidding, and they have to laugh too. But everybody heard it, which is the point.

See how that's exactly what he does? It works both ways. A lot of things are like that.

(Okay, it's not exactly what he does. Because he tries really hard to be funny, but just...isn't. Not a shred of skill or timing, and the phoniness tragically obvious. It made me sorry for him, at first, but then I learned better.)