Megalomania, etc.

Of course there was lots of talk today about the incipient Power Vacuum at Our Superstore, now that we've learned the Truth about the outgoing Inventory Manager: she lacked the proper fanatical devotion to the retail world, and just really didn't have the passion for Operations that you'd expect somebody in that position to have. (Or so she heard. More of that, later. She should really be the one to write it, if she wants.) Anyway, people love talking about that stuff, and why wouldn't they? Who's gonna get that job? Who could possibly want it? It's fun! But one of you finally said to me, well, we should probably give YOU that job. And I laughed out loud--nothing had been further from my mind. I mean, I'd flirted with the idea of becoming a Merch Supervisor of some sort, until it occurred to me that no sane person would actually choose to work directly under that guy. But today, you know, I went a bit insane.

I thought, suddenly, wow. I could actually make that happen. Are they seriously gonna tell me no, you can't be a manager? And it's one thing to do some snarky subversive workblogging, but it's another thing entirely to do it from the top. To work hand-in-hand (metaphorically!) with the Enemy, but secretly lead the Entire Store in rebellion against him. Even the inevitable Showdown, followed by the tragic downfall of Him or Me or Both, would be glorious! We're talking six-figure book deal to tell my riveting tale! And I'd be a Hero! I'd be executing an amazingly diabolical and entertaining scheme, entirely for the benefit of my fellow downtrodden employees!

Well, that's a pretty intoxicating notion, isn't it? If you could pull that one off, you'd be the coolest guy on the planet!

Luckily for everybody, I have no pretensions to being the coolest guy on the planet. And, quite frankly, there's no way my wife would put up with me being a manager at that place, since of course I'd essentially disappear from home for a few years. Don't get me wrong--she knows about all of this and loves that I'm Sticking It to the Man. She never liked that place to begin with. But if I really, truly told her that I was essentially Going Undercover in order to defeat my Arch-Nemesis, well... that probably wouldn't fly. Thank Christ. Because I'm an idiot, as you know, and would totally try to do it. This is why I got married. :-)

Anyway, the Sales Manager already sent up a trial balloon, seeing if I'd be interested. I didn't lead him on, exactly, but I didn't say no. So let's just let them think what they want, for now. But for all of you--well, I know you're disappointed, but I kinda doubt that'll happen. Nothing's impossible, of course. :-) But I've got other little projects too--I don't know if I can afford to devote my life to this one, exactly, as much fun as it is. And everybody who's been there assures me that there's no way I want to put up with the things that would be involved in that kind of Career Move. They're almost certainly right.